My thanks to Leigh Anne Stewart for contributing the following piece detailing her experience with bullying.
'It started when I was 12 years of age. That year, the school board decided to make everything equal, they integrated every school. That meant that there were to be equal numbers of children from each race in every school, I didn't understand it then. I just knew I was getting bussed 8 miles away from my home into an unfamiliar school. I was more than frightened about going, but I had no choice. Here I am, a small little white girl who was very shy, and barely said a word to anyone at school. The first couple of months all the new students were becoming acclimatised to the new school, the teachers, and trying to figure out what was expected of us.
Eventually the day came when I experienced bullying for the first time in my life. My mother always gave me lunch money, and I would put it in my pocket for safe keeping. Two African American girls came up to me one day and asked if I had any money. I responded no, I don't have a job yet. The didn't believe me and actually frisked me, much like the police do when they catch a criminal. They found my lunch money and stole it. I didn't say or do anything about it, I thought if I did that those girls would really come after me. I went without lunch that day, and many more days and weeks after that.
I decided that since they knew where I kept my lunch money, that I would put it somewhere else. I taped the coins to the inside of my notebook. It took the girls about three days to find and steal it again. This continued for a few months, but still I remained silent. Each time the girls came back the bullying would get worse. They began to punch me, slap me, trip me, and one girl would hold me down and the other would literally kick me. I was an easy mark because I didn't put up a fight.
The girls did this when the teacher wasn't in the room. One day, the teacher came into the classroom, saw that the girls were doing to me, and didn't do anything about it. He just sat there and did nothing. I thought teachers were supposed to help children, and he did nothing. I was so confused, angry and sad all at the same time.
About 2 months later, I finally broke down and told my parents what was going on, they immediately went to the school and spoke with the principal. I was put in another classroom, and my mother started giving the school a check each month for my lunch instead of cash. The rest of my year was seemingly normal.
This is something that I have often thought about through the years. The experience changed me into someone who now stands up for herself, and will never let anyone walk all over me like that again. Today I am 52 years of age, I am a strong woman who believes that there needs to be a bullying education program in every school in the USA and abroad.
Leigh Anne Stewart
Friday, April 12, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Losing Their Religion
My thanks to Jacob Doyle for submitting the following piece.
"Buddhists who kill Muslims cease to be Buddhists
"The so-called religious conflicts experienced by the people of the Earth are far less conflicts of religion than they are conflicts of economic and tribal interests," I said to a colleague from Syria yesterday evening. I gave as an example the recent killings and burnings of homes in Burma/Myanmar perpetrated against people identifying themselves as Muslims by others identifying themselves as Buddhists. Reports in 'The Economist' state that Buddhist monks, the same monks whose "Saffron Revolution" protests pressured the military government to soften its long campaign of repression and introduce democratic reforms, were actually urging the attackers on.
'They call themselves Buddhists?' I asked rhetorically. I practice Buddhist meditation and have studied the Pali Canon of Buddha. Avoid killing, or harming any living thing, is the first of five precepts at the heart of the Buddha's teachings. 'The Economist' magazine's examination of the issues surrounding the attacks reveals that the Buddhists compose a majority of the population in Burma and live somewhat separately from the Muslims and maintain different cultural traditions. Many Buddhists purportedly feel threatened by the Muslim's "otherness" and what they perceive to be their higher birthrate. They also reportedly covet the Muslim's land holdings. They resent what they reckon to be the Islamification of Burma. But even if the Muslims were conspiring to take over Burma, violence against them goes directly against the teachings of Buddha. In this sense, it is the 'Buddhists' themselves that are robbing the country of Buddhism."
Again, my thanks to Jacob Doyle for this thought-provoking piece.
"Buddhists who kill Muslims cease to be Buddhists
"The so-called religious conflicts experienced by the people of the Earth are far less conflicts of religion than they are conflicts of economic and tribal interests," I said to a colleague from Syria yesterday evening. I gave as an example the recent killings and burnings of homes in Burma/Myanmar perpetrated against people identifying themselves as Muslims by others identifying themselves as Buddhists. Reports in 'The Economist' state that Buddhist monks, the same monks whose "Saffron Revolution" protests pressured the military government to soften its long campaign of repression and introduce democratic reforms, were actually urging the attackers on.
'They call themselves Buddhists?' I asked rhetorically. I practice Buddhist meditation and have studied the Pali Canon of Buddha. Avoid killing, or harming any living thing, is the first of five precepts at the heart of the Buddha's teachings. 'The Economist' magazine's examination of the issues surrounding the attacks reveals that the Buddhists compose a majority of the population in Burma and live somewhat separately from the Muslims and maintain different cultural traditions. Many Buddhists purportedly feel threatened by the Muslim's "otherness" and what they perceive to be their higher birthrate. They also reportedly covet the Muslim's land holdings. They resent what they reckon to be the Islamification of Burma. But even if the Muslims were conspiring to take over Burma, violence against them goes directly against the teachings of Buddha. In this sense, it is the 'Buddhists' themselves that are robbing the country of Buddhism."
Again, my thanks to Jacob Doyle for this thought-provoking piece.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Fight for Your Right to be Who You Are!
The following article is courtesy of Peter McQueeny. It is actually about bullying and hisMy thanks to Peter for contributing this.
'Growing up, I was a tender, sensitive child. Like many sensitive children, I was a target for bullies from an early age. It began when I joined a local soccer team and quickly found out that I wasn't very good at sports. The entire team used to gang up on me, including the middle-aged coach, who led the charge by responding to my inadequacy not with advice or encouragement, but with ridicule. Pushed by my parents (who had only the best of intentions) to continue playing sports, I had similar experiences in tee-ball and basketball. By the time all the school children in my town were starting to get to know one another, I had a reputation.
Middle school was the worse. I had a handful of friends, and we were all outcasts, bullied to some extent by overlapping groups. There was one person in particular, who shall of course remain nameless, who singled me out from the very moment our eyes first met. We had apparently attended the same kindergarten class, although I didn't recall that at the time, and we had remembered me all through grade school, even though we went to different schools. I recall the event as clearly as if it was yesterday, which begs the question if it really happened this way, or if this is a dramatized/traumatized memory: - I walked into a 6th grade English class, and this person was already sitting at a table. As I looked around for a seat, he said to me, in the most threatening tone he could manage: "Hey Pete. You don't remember me, but I remember you." I made a face at him, and he immediately mocked me to his gaggle of goons.
From there until 8th grade he made my life a living hell; trotting out may of the classic bullying moves in the process: kicking me into my locker, upsetting my lunch tray, mocking me in front of the whole school etc.
When I went to high school I was still reeling from those experiences, and I was elated when I found out that the person in question had opted to attend a private high school, and I would never see him again. But high school held it's own challenges, less physical and immediate, perhaps, but no less condemning.
My response was to draw further inward. I got interested in Punk Rock and Heavy Metal, and through music found an identity that gave me enough confidence to get by until graduation. I learned to own my outsider status, to act is if it was my decision, not theirs. In the end, I became enough of a curiosity that by the time senior year came, I was friendly and conversational with everyone in my graduating class.
And when I went to college and I had the same experience so many of us have. All that class-warfare, the freaks and geeks vs. jocks and cheerleaders, that all melted away and suddenly we were just people. I never heard from most of my fellow graduates again, but the ones I have, even those that were bullies to me at one time or another, have met me as equals.
But sadly, my experience left a lasting mark on me. By becoming so wrapped up in my outsider status, I found it difficult to become fully engaged with people who didn't share it. I may have owned it this time, but the feeling of standing outside looking in persisted. Years of being told I was insufficient had caused me to lack confidence at a deep level, and this showed up in the way I failed to apply myself to constructive activities, and I spent most of college in a marijuana-induced sleepwalk, wearing a girl-proof shell of fat and poor hygiene. I squeaked out of college in just under seven years with a degree in Philosophy, boasting a 2.1 GPA.
I moved into adult life, and immediately drowned in a sea of mediocrity. I was Salieri, constantly taunted by the ease with which Mozart outdid my most solemn efforts.
It wasn't until I met my now-wife that things really started to change for me. We met on E-Harmony; the perfect meat-market for those lacking confidence. Now that I am embarrassed about the way we met (quite the opposite), we were both at a point where we were looking for something serious, and we didn't want to waste precious years messing around with anything less. Through the process of our courtship, I taught myself the most important lesson I've ever learned: 'Fake It 'Til You Make It'. Confidence is a behavior pattern, a habit like any other. It can be adopted artificially, but quickly becomes natural with practice. And this is what all those bullies knew that I didn't.
The common wisdom is that bullies act the way they do because they are protecting themselves from their own lack of confidence by projecting their weakness onto others. I generally agree with this, and I think most sane, reasonable adults more or less agree as well. Bullies are, in a childish way, faking confidence, and eventually it becomes natural. By then though, the habit has become hard to break; they know no other way of demonstrating confidence, so they keep on putting others down, sometimes well into adulthood. But I'd be willing to bet that nine out of ten bullies started out as a child that was hurting in some way.
All this brings me to several conclusions:
We, as adults, should not punish bullies for their activities in any extreme way. Who are we to punish a child for mistakenly acting out on their own pain? Not only that, but punishment of the top-down sort has never been shown to be an effective means of modifying behavior, It may force compliance in the short term, but it breeds discontent with authority in the long term. I learned, as so many victims do, that "telling" only makes the bullying worse. I've had bullies be forced to say they were sorry to me before. Their false apologies hurt more than their sincere blows. And no matter how hard parents and teachers work to make it safe for victims to come forward, the act of "telling" will always be bad, even in the absence of retribution. Running for help is a habit, and its one we'd do well to discourage in our children.
All adults know there is no shame in asking for help when we really need it, but in the adult world that help is most often in a collaborative setting. It's right for me to ask for help if I have a difficult and important work project that I won't be able to finish on my own. But asking to be rescued is something different entirely. Encouraging children to do that is the same as saying "If you fall off the horse, don't get back on, just wait for mommy to come and pick you up." Encouraging kids to beg for rescue will breed weakness in adults, and like it or not, there are always, always bullies in life, even when we're grown up. They may not be trying to hurt our feelings, they may not even have been bullies as children, but there are always those who seek to take what we have, or to take credit for our good deeds, or who believe they are in some way better than us and deserve more. Nations bully each other. And running to the UN doesn't seem to prevent much conflict, does it?
As an adult there is often no one to turn to, so to teach that habit - even if it's effective at the child level - is to do a disservice to future generations. The appropriate way to meet strength is with strength, and not from the top-down, but from the bottom-up. If we want to put an end to bullying, we have to educate victims on the nature of confidence at an early age. We should be teaching them to find their power any way they can; be it the intellectual route of nerds who eventually employ their bullies, the independence of freaks who go on to live fascinating lives, or sheer power in numbers. Kids could support each other by forming an anti-bullying club, so if a bully wanted to take on one of them, he'd have to take on all of them. the only way to stop a bully is to tell them you won't stand for it. There's no reward for the bully if you refuse to take their taunts lying down. If you take a few knocks in the process, I think it's worth it. Taking punches builds character. Chances are a childhood bully won't murder you. I know there are some who encourage victims to kill themselves, but if the victims learn early to stand up to this kind of treatment, to find their strength and fight for their right to be who they are, to say to that bully's face: "Screw you, I have a right to be whoever I want, and I'm not going to let you take your self-hatred out on me!" I think we could actually see change.
I don't have any children, so perhaps I am speaking in ignorance. Maybe I will one day be so consumed by protective instincts that I will change my mind. But the sad truth is that in a better world where people and nations compete for limited resources, strength is the only survival strategy. Birds don't learn to fly by being coddled in the nest, they learn to fly by being rudely shoved out, sometimes hitting the ground. Fish don't learn to swim by holding close to their mother, they learn to swim by being abandoned and hatching to find a hungry eel waiting for them. And humans don't learn to stand up by themselves by asking their parents and teachers to do it for them. I dearly hope that when my child comes to me saying they've been shoved around by some bully, I still have the wisdom to tell them, "Next time, you shove back."
For more rants and ravings about anything and everything, head over to peterrambles.blogspot.com
My thanks to Peter McQueeny for this article.
Middle school was the worse. I had a handful of friends, and we were all outcasts, bullied to some extent by overlapping groups. There was one person in particular, who shall of course remain nameless, who singled me out from the very moment our eyes first met. We had apparently attended the same kindergarten class, although I didn't recall that at the time, and we had remembered me all through grade school, even though we went to different schools. I recall the event as clearly as if it was yesterday, which begs the question if it really happened this way, or if this is a dramatized/traumatized memory: - I walked into a 6th grade English class, and this person was already sitting at a table. As I looked around for a seat, he said to me, in the most threatening tone he could manage: "Hey Pete. You don't remember me, but I remember you." I made a face at him, and he immediately mocked me to his gaggle of goons.
From there until 8th grade he made my life a living hell; trotting out may of the classic bullying moves in the process: kicking me into my locker, upsetting my lunch tray, mocking me in front of the whole school etc.
When I went to high school I was still reeling from those experiences, and I was elated when I found out that the person in question had opted to attend a private high school, and I would never see him again. But high school held it's own challenges, less physical and immediate, perhaps, but no less condemning.
My response was to draw further inward. I got interested in Punk Rock and Heavy Metal, and through music found an identity that gave me enough confidence to get by until graduation. I learned to own my outsider status, to act is if it was my decision, not theirs. In the end, I became enough of a curiosity that by the time senior year came, I was friendly and conversational with everyone in my graduating class.
And when I went to college and I had the same experience so many of us have. All that class-warfare, the freaks and geeks vs. jocks and cheerleaders, that all melted away and suddenly we were just people. I never heard from most of my fellow graduates again, but the ones I have, even those that were bullies to me at one time or another, have met me as equals.
But sadly, my experience left a lasting mark on me. By becoming so wrapped up in my outsider status, I found it difficult to become fully engaged with people who didn't share it. I may have owned it this time, but the feeling of standing outside looking in persisted. Years of being told I was insufficient had caused me to lack confidence at a deep level, and this showed up in the way I failed to apply myself to constructive activities, and I spent most of college in a marijuana-induced sleepwalk, wearing a girl-proof shell of fat and poor hygiene. I squeaked out of college in just under seven years with a degree in Philosophy, boasting a 2.1 GPA.
I moved into adult life, and immediately drowned in a sea of mediocrity. I was Salieri, constantly taunted by the ease with which Mozart outdid my most solemn efforts.
It wasn't until I met my now-wife that things really started to change for me. We met on E-Harmony; the perfect meat-market for those lacking confidence. Now that I am embarrassed about the way we met (quite the opposite), we were both at a point where we were looking for something serious, and we didn't want to waste precious years messing around with anything less. Through the process of our courtship, I taught myself the most important lesson I've ever learned: 'Fake It 'Til You Make It'. Confidence is a behavior pattern, a habit like any other. It can be adopted artificially, but quickly becomes natural with practice. And this is what all those bullies knew that I didn't.
The common wisdom is that bullies act the way they do because they are protecting themselves from their own lack of confidence by projecting their weakness onto others. I generally agree with this, and I think most sane, reasonable adults more or less agree as well. Bullies are, in a childish way, faking confidence, and eventually it becomes natural. By then though, the habit has become hard to break; they know no other way of demonstrating confidence, so they keep on putting others down, sometimes well into adulthood. But I'd be willing to bet that nine out of ten bullies started out as a child that was hurting in some way.
All this brings me to several conclusions:
We, as adults, should not punish bullies for their activities in any extreme way. Who are we to punish a child for mistakenly acting out on their own pain? Not only that, but punishment of the top-down sort has never been shown to be an effective means of modifying behavior, It may force compliance in the short term, but it breeds discontent with authority in the long term. I learned, as so many victims do, that "telling" only makes the bullying worse. I've had bullies be forced to say they were sorry to me before. Their false apologies hurt more than their sincere blows. And no matter how hard parents and teachers work to make it safe for victims to come forward, the act of "telling" will always be bad, even in the absence of retribution. Running for help is a habit, and its one we'd do well to discourage in our children.
All adults know there is no shame in asking for help when we really need it, but in the adult world that help is most often in a collaborative setting. It's right for me to ask for help if I have a difficult and important work project that I won't be able to finish on my own. But asking to be rescued is something different entirely. Encouraging children to do that is the same as saying "If you fall off the horse, don't get back on, just wait for mommy to come and pick you up." Encouraging kids to beg for rescue will breed weakness in adults, and like it or not, there are always, always bullies in life, even when we're grown up. They may not be trying to hurt our feelings, they may not even have been bullies as children, but there are always those who seek to take what we have, or to take credit for our good deeds, or who believe they are in some way better than us and deserve more. Nations bully each other. And running to the UN doesn't seem to prevent much conflict, does it?
As an adult there is often no one to turn to, so to teach that habit - even if it's effective at the child level - is to do a disservice to future generations. The appropriate way to meet strength is with strength, and not from the top-down, but from the bottom-up. If we want to put an end to bullying, we have to educate victims on the nature of confidence at an early age. We should be teaching them to find their power any way they can; be it the intellectual route of nerds who eventually employ their bullies, the independence of freaks who go on to live fascinating lives, or sheer power in numbers. Kids could support each other by forming an anti-bullying club, so if a bully wanted to take on one of them, he'd have to take on all of them. the only way to stop a bully is to tell them you won't stand for it. There's no reward for the bully if you refuse to take their taunts lying down. If you take a few knocks in the process, I think it's worth it. Taking punches builds character. Chances are a childhood bully won't murder you. I know there are some who encourage victims to kill themselves, but if the victims learn early to stand up to this kind of treatment, to find their strength and fight for their right to be who they are, to say to that bully's face: "Screw you, I have a right to be whoever I want, and I'm not going to let you take your self-hatred out on me!" I think we could actually see change.
I don't have any children, so perhaps I am speaking in ignorance. Maybe I will one day be so consumed by protective instincts that I will change my mind. But the sad truth is that in a better world where people and nations compete for limited resources, strength is the only survival strategy. Birds don't learn to fly by being coddled in the nest, they learn to fly by being rudely shoved out, sometimes hitting the ground. Fish don't learn to swim by holding close to their mother, they learn to swim by being abandoned and hatching to find a hungry eel waiting for them. And humans don't learn to stand up by themselves by asking their parents and teachers to do it for them. I dearly hope that when my child comes to me saying they've been shoved around by some bully, I still have the wisdom to tell them, "Next time, you shove back."
For more rants and ravings about anything and everything, head over to peterrambles.blogspot.com
My thanks to Peter McQueeny for this article.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
An opinion on the death of Margaret Thatcher - Scheenagh Harrison reacts to the news of a political icon.
GUEST BLOGGERS
Recently I decided to invite others to contribute to my blog - becoming 'guest bloggers'. Initially the response was very slow but after a few days I became swamped. I had come to thinking that everyone the world over has had event/s occur in their lives and that, perhaps, some just might like to share. I know many others already do this - I have contributed to many other blogs and hope to continue. So I decided to make the offer. As is widely known, my blog began life as a platform for my fight against bullying but has evolved to include pretty well anything and everything else in my life. Quite a few of the people who have responded to my invite have been victims of bullying too and appear to be relieved to have somewhere to write about it - get it out of their systems. Some have also decided to share personal stories with me, but not publicly, which is also fine - it is still therapeutic for them.Before I continue, please note that the views expressed by the contributors to this blog are not necessarily shared by the owner.
One of the first pieces that has been submitted arrived less than five minutes after I heard about the passing of former British Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher. Well done for being so quick off the mark, Scheenagh and James Harrington and I do thank the Harringtons ofor the following:
"Scheenagh Harrington reacts to the news of a political icon.
It's been on the cards for some time, but when news broke today that former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher had died aged 87, following a stroke, it took me a moment to decide how it made me feel.
I am a child of the Thatcherite era, when the TV was filled with images of bemulleted blokes in bad jeans doing battle with police during the miners' strike, and the Falklands War opened my eyes to the fact that conflict can break out anywhere over what seemed (to an 11-year-old-me) to be absolutely nothing.
As I grew older, Thatcher and the Tories hit a lot closer to home - politicising me for the first time with their loathed Poll Tax. I had me and some of my student friends so furious that we all piled into a coach and headed to London for the day, bellowing 'Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, out, out out' at the tops of our voices (while at the same time, a headline-grabbing riot broke out in Trafalgar Square).
She was, I always believed, someone who could have done so much for women in politics, furthered the cause for gender equality in what had been, and still was, even at the height of her premiership, very much a man's world.
Instead, I believed she put us back generations, with her iron-clad hairdo and even harder stance on bread-and-butter politics.
I never saw a lady, whether she was for turning or not. I saw someone who refused to give even the tiniest concession to the working classes (of which I'm still firmly a member, even if I have middle-class aspirations).
But after she fell from grace, booted out by ambitious and rapacious colleagues - I remember smiling and thinking at the same time 'good riddance' - Margaret Thatcher never really entered my thoughts, save for the odd mental argument with my other half, or if she popped up, looking increasingly frail on occasional news bulletins.
My opinion of her softened a little thanks to Meryl Streep's Oscar-winning turn in the 2011 Hollywoodised examination of her life 'The Iron Lady', but that was mostly because Streep turned her from the stern, unlikeable carping figure I was used to hearing and seeing, to a flesh-and-blood person, with thoughts and feelings, hopes and fears.
It didn't change my opinion of what I perceived as her damaging policies or her party's practices, but it did make me realise there was a real woman behind the office of Prime Minister.
As the obituary writers get to work today, I won't be mourning Margaret Thatcher. And yet, while I'm neither heartbroken nor delighted that she has died, I know for certain that the anger and hatred she once sparked in me is no longer there.
Perhaps, for such a devisive politician, that's the best we can hope for?"
By Scheenagh Harrison of Black Mountain Editorial.
E: blackmountaineditorial@gmail.com
Website: http://www.blackmountaineditorial.com
Again my sincere thanks to Scheenagh for writing this piece and to both James and Scheenagh for contributing and authorising me to use it in my blog.
I hope that, perhaps, the Harrisons might like to make further submissions as time progresses.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Our Recommendations to the Australian Government
THE FOLLOWING ARE THE RECOMMENDATIONS THAT WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE BEING ADOPTED BY THE DEPTs OF EDUCATION AUSTRALIA WIDE - regarding bullying in schools.
I would like to see ALL of them included, as would many of the public, so I understand. I am also assured that these recommendations are quite feasible - but most of the Depts of Education that I have had contact with over the last couple of years do seem to feel that the current system is 'enough'. They all tell me that they take school bullying 'very seriously indeed' and this I can believe - to a limit. Each and every one of them has responded to my letters telling me about all the resources, specialist advice etc etc they have on hand for the use of the schools if they want it - in other words, from what I can ascertain, none of it is mandatory.
I believe that the Depts themselves set out a draft for anti-bullying policies for the schools to adopt so they can produce their own, to suit their own individual circumstances, which is absolutely fair. I now believe that there are two areas which are sadly at fault with the system as it currently exists - one is that none of the above is mandatory - yes, the schools DO have to have policies and can include the points set out by their state departments - but, nationally, I don't believe that any of the above are included across the board. I also understand (from some teachers around the nation) that in many respects, the school staff and principals are at fault. Feedback suggests that while some teachers do take this act seriously enough that they have actually set up programmes to help educate and try to decrease it, this is not necessarily being supported by their principals and when that particular teacher moves position or leaves the school, or whatever, their successor is not interested in the programme so it is forgotten, particularly if there is also no support from the principal.
And so the fight continues. I would welcome any suggestions, thoughts, feelings etc. Can be emailed to: abccalligraphy00@hotmail.com
Thank you.
- Introduce or change existing legislation to try to make bullying in schools completely illegal or at least decrease it hugely;
- Introduce a national framework to cover the entire nation's schools - as things currently stand the system differs in every state which is very confusing for everyone, particularly those families that move interstate regularly due to work commitments;
- Introduce a step programme or similar of punishment for bullies: 1 - a mild warning; 2 - more severe warning and mild punishment; 3 - very severe warning and more severe punishment; 4 - expulsion, pure and simple;
- A system for the schools to report back to the Dept of Education in their state about any bullying incidents and the reactions of the school/staff, how it was handled, who was at fault, punishment for the bully and not the victim, unless it was provoked;
- Have all schools nationwide include their policies on their websites;
- Have some sort of 'reward' system put into place for teachers and staff generally who 'do the right thing'.
I would like to see ALL of them included, as would many of the public, so I understand. I am also assured that these recommendations are quite feasible - but most of the Depts of Education that I have had contact with over the last couple of years do seem to feel that the current system is 'enough'. They all tell me that they take school bullying 'very seriously indeed' and this I can believe - to a limit. Each and every one of them has responded to my letters telling me about all the resources, specialist advice etc etc they have on hand for the use of the schools if they want it - in other words, from what I can ascertain, none of it is mandatory.
I believe that the Depts themselves set out a draft for anti-bullying policies for the schools to adopt so they can produce their own, to suit their own individual circumstances, which is absolutely fair. I now believe that there are two areas which are sadly at fault with the system as it currently exists - one is that none of the above is mandatory - yes, the schools DO have to have policies and can include the points set out by their state departments - but, nationally, I don't believe that any of the above are included across the board. I also understand (from some teachers around the nation) that in many respects, the school staff and principals are at fault. Feedback suggests that while some teachers do take this act seriously enough that they have actually set up programmes to help educate and try to decrease it, this is not necessarily being supported by their principals and when that particular teacher moves position or leaves the school, or whatever, their successor is not interested in the programme so it is forgotten, particularly if there is also no support from the principal.
And so the fight continues. I would welcome any suggestions, thoughts, feelings etc. Can be emailed to: abccalligraphy00@hotmail.com
Thank you.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
This article has been provided courtesy of nannyagency
Feb 26
010 Telltale Signs Your Child is Being Bullied
Bullying is a problem of epidemic proportions, and can affect every aspect of a child’s life. While visibility around the issue has been raised as the most severe cases make national news, there is still a prevailing idea that bullying is part of childhood and is only a sign of “kids being kids.” Parents of children who are frequently the butt of bullies’ jokes know that the problem is much more severe than mere child’s play. If you’re concerned that your child may be the target of schoolyard or cyber-bullying, here are some signs to be on the lookout for. - Withdrawal from Activities – Has your child lost interest in extracurricular activities he once enjoyed? This could be a sign of your child being bullied. If he once loved his after-school clubs or teams and now actively avoids them, there could be harassment taking place that makes him reluctant to attend.
- Eating and Sleeping Habit Changes – Noticeable changes in your child’s eating or sleeping patterns can indicate that she’s under some sort of stress, which could be the result of being targeted by bullies. She could have a lessened appetite because of the thoughts running through her mind of her tormentor. If she’s eating more at home than usual, it could mean that her lunch is being stolen. Her sleeping habits could have changed because she now has nightmares about the person picking on her. There are a variety of potential causes for these changes, so they should be investigated.
- Irritability – Being picked on can put anyone in a bad mood, so try to look for the root of increased irritability or a shortened temper after school. Bullies wear on a child’s self-esteem, and a child with low self-esteem can lash out from that added tension.
- Avoiding School – The occasional faked stomach ache is a common ploy to get out of school for a few hours of sleep or to miss a test she’s not prepared for, but regular attempts to get out of going to school may be a sign of a child who’s actively avoiding her tormentors.
- Decrease in Grades – It’s difficult to concentrate on school work and getting good grades when that mean kid in class keeps kicking your chair or making fun of you. Your child’s grades might be suffering, not due to indifference to school, but due to a bully constantly nagging.
- Fidgeting – If your child used to sit still very well and for long periods of time but now seems to fidget, it could be because of a bully. A physical bully may spur the “flight” half of the “fight or flight” instinct, causing them to be hyper-aware of their surroundings and always ready to bolt.
- Unwilling to Discuss School – A child who avoids answering questions about his day or answers evasively could be hiding the fact that someone was picking on him. The part of the school day that has the longest impression on your child right now may be the fact that someone doesn’t like him and he’s being made fun of. It’s tough to remember the exciting parts of the day when your child’s thoughts are consumed by the torment of a classmate.
- Acting Out – Increased aggression and violent outbursts can be an indicator of bullying, as kids who spend their days being harassed seek an outlet for their frustrations. Any sudden personality change should be cause for concern, but a turn in a more aggressive direction should be addressed immediately.
- Being Mean to Younger Siblings – Is your child starting to pick on your other children? If so, she might have a bully she’s dealing with when you aren’t there. It’s natural to want to unload your burden onto someone else in the same way it was unloaded onto you. Your child could just need to get her anger out of her but doesn’t know how to, so she resorts to doing the same thing to her younger siblings that is being done to her.
- Unexplained Bruises or Injuries – Physical bullies do still exist. If your child comes home with bruises or injuries that are not linked to the regular rambunctiousness of a child, it’s time to get concerned. Yes, it’s possible that he fell down on the playground, but it’s also possible that he was pushed down by a bully and is scared to tell you about it.
The shame and embarrassment that can accompany being bullied is often enough to keep kids quiet about their troubles, especially if they’re afraid that they’ll be subjected to retribution for tattling. Be patient with your child and let him know that you’re on his side, and that you’ll find a solution to the problem together.
How to Help Your Child Stand Up to a Bully Without Getting Beaten Up
The following article has been provided courtesy of NannyPro.com
How to Help Your Child Stand Up to a Bully Without Getting Beaten Up
2013 FEBRUARY 12
Once upon a time, bullying was regarded as a natural part of childhood and frequently attributed to “kids being kids.” These days, however, bullying is making headlines. Awareness of bullying and the inherent dangers it can pose has risen dramatically, but that doesn’t stamp the problem out altogether. With modern technology making it easier than ever for bullies to access their victims around the clock, it’s important for a parent to understand and recognize signs of bullying. Bullying can range from physically attacking someone to verbally assaulting them and from gossiping about people to cyber bullying them. Cyber bullying includes harassing or intimidating behavior via emails, text messages or social media sites. Because you can’t protect your child from everything she’ll encounter when you’re not there with her, it’s best to teach your child appropriate ways of avoiding such encounters or, if necessary, standing up to a bully without physical retaliation.
Recognize
Children who are bullied are at an increased risk of depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. According to a study published in the Archives of Pediatric Medicine, children who are bullied are also more likely to contemplate suicide. If you notice your child complaining of aches and pains as a way of avoiding school, or if you notice abnormal bumps and bruises, it’s time to start asking questions. If they can’t explain certain injuries, missing articles of clothing or poor school performance, a bully might be the culprit. If your child is old enough to use social media sites, check in with them in regards to online accounts as well. Set boundaries and request access to the sites if things aren’t adding up.
Vocalize
If you suspect that your child is being bullied, start a conversation that allows him to speak freely without fear of judgment. Encourage him to speak up about his concerns regarding what’s going on at school. Ask him to describe the occurrences, how often they happen and who is involved. Ask him if any other children or adults have witnessed the accounts and find out what he has done so far to try and stop the bullying. Brainstorm ideas of how to avoid encountering harassing situations. Involve your child in this conversation; it will help them visualize appropriate ways of responding to a pestering bully. Be supportive in the discussion, but remain calm. It might be heart wrenching to hear your child talk openly about these types of situations, but it is important to be a calm influence, rather than another angry voice.
Socialize, Mobilize, Empathize
Encourage your child to stick with a group of friends when walking home from school, riding the bus or eating lunch in the cafeteria. Let your child know that it’s okay to ask adults or other school officials to accompany them. Bullies tend to target kids that stand out. Encouraging new hobbies and interests might help your child make new friends and find a circle of people with similar interests. If the bully is persistent, don’t endorse verbal retaliation or physical violence. Teach them and encourage them to maintain their composure, tell them to turn and walk away. Children start to learn to empathize at an early age. Encouraging your child to empathize with the bully is a way of teaching compassion. If compassion is present, forgiveness is soon to follow, which can remove much of the emotional burden of being bullied. At the very least, it may help reduce the long term psychological effects of having been bullied as a child.
Follow-Up
Keep checking in with your child, even if it seems the bullying has subsided. Sometimes kids will become embarrassed that the harassment has continued and may feel both hopeless to stop it and mortified that they are repeatedly a target. Keep the lines of communication open. If the bullying hasn’t ceased, contact the appropriate authorities. Getting the school principal, bus driver or class teacher involved and aware of the problem is a good start, and will provide extra sets of eyes and ears when you can’t be with your child. It is also worth an attempt to contact the parents of the bully. Be prepared for a defensive response or outright denial, however. Many parents find it difficult or impossible to believe that they could raise a bully and may refuse to accept the situation on principle. By making them aware of the problem and attempting to calmly enlist their help in remedying the difficult situation your child is in, you may be able to get the p
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)